1. 18
    Aug

    Famous and Infamous Quotes

    Sometimes, when I look at my children, I say to myself, ‘Lillian, you should have remained a virgin.’ 
    -   Lillian Carter (mother of Jimmy Carter) 
      
    I had a rose named after me and I was very flattered. But I was not pleased to read the description in the catalogue: ‘No good in a bed, but fine against a wall.’   
    - Eleanor Roosevelt   
      
    Last week, I stated this woman was the ugliest woman I had ever seen. I have since been visited by her sister, and now wish to withdraw that statement.   
    - Mark Twain 
      
    The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending; and to have the two as close together as possible 
    - George Burns 
      
    Santa Claus has the right idea. Visit people only once a year. 
    - Victor Borge 
        
    Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint. 
    - Mark Twain 
      
    By all means, marry. If you get a good wife, you’ll become happy; if you get a bad one, you’ll become a philosopher. 
    - Socrates 
        
    I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury. 
    - Groucho Marx 
        
    My wife has a slight impediment in her speech. Every now and then she stops to breathe. 
    - Jimmy Durante 
      
    I have never hated a man enough to give his diamonds back. 
    - Zsa Zsa Gabor 
      
    Only Irish coffee provides in a single glass all four essential food groups: alcohol, caffeine, sugar and fat. 
    - Alex Levine 
        
    My luck is so bad that if I bought a cemetery, people would stop dying. 
    - Rodney Dangerfield 
        
      
    Money can’t buy you happiness …. But it does bring you a more pleasant form of misery. 
    - Spike Milligan   
        
    Until I was thirteen, I thought my name was SHUT UP. 
    - Joe Namath 
        
    I don’t feel old. I don’t feel anything until noon. Then it’s time for my nap. 
    - Bob Hope 
        
    I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it. 
    - W. C. Fields 
          
    We could certainly slow the aging process down if it had to work its way through Congress.   
    - Will Rogers   
      
    Don’t worry about avoiding temptation.   As you grow older, it will avoid you. 
    - Winston Churchill 
        
    Maybe it’s true that life begins at fifty. But everything else starts to wear out, fall out, or spread out. 
    - Phyllis Diller 
        
    By the time a man is wise enough to watch his step, he’s too old to go anywhere. 
    - Billy Crystal 
        
      
    And the cardiologist’ s diet: If it tastes good spit it out.